Self Sabotage

For a few years now an idea has been gestating within me.  The grip it has on me makes me feel like it is my life’s work.

And recently I almost sabotage the fruition of it.


The Conscious Mothers Movement is a vision of mine that will allow me to create something that will be of great value to me, my children, other mothers, and society as a whole.

And it will keep me anchored in what I claim that I want most out of my life:

To be an exceptional example to my children.

I want to embody an uninhibited woman who thrives in all aspects of life.

I want to  become my best self, and therefore mother from my essence – the purest place of love within me.


Seems like a concept that one could easily claim that they already do, and yet when I look around me I don’t see many authentic examples of a mother thriving within her many roles as a woman in today’s society.

I see a lot of mothers like I me (until recently).  Women showing up in the world in a way that is slowly depleting them.  Doing their best to keep up with our fast paced society, and their many roles, and putting their personal health and well-being dead last.

And therefore, becoming an example of a less than optimal mother.  One who is tired, irritated, stretched thin, regretful, envious, out of balance, dis-eased, not present, unengaged, anxious, too busy, disconnected, unaware, preoccupied, addicted in one-way-or-another, pretending to be happy, and constantly self sabotaging their personal time, hopes, and dreams; always hopeful that someday they will arrive in a place of peace and calm.

And all along the way being an example to their children of what not to be.

Creating the next generation of inhibited souls.


For about 7.5 years now I have been exploring myself, primarily my inhibitions.  The years have gone quickly, and I still can not claim that I am at my best.

What I can claim, however, is motherhood could be way more than it is. 


It could be an opportunity to become the example we all want to be for our children.  An authentic, powerful woman who thrives as a mother, a partner, a contributor to society, and as an independent, vibrant woman.

Balance, radiance, courage, passion, creativity — our wholeness busting at its seams. 


Is this even possible?

I think it is, and I am going after it; and it might just be one of the most challenging opportunities we are met with when we become a mother.

Motherhood is such a busy time of multitasking, giving-giving-giving, and most of the time we are not refueling, which leads to depletion and all that comes with that cycle.  It is a challenging time to focus on oneself.


And so, my idea, the Conscious Mothers Movement has planted a seed within me and won’t go away.

I tried to sabotage it.  I have thought of all the reasons why creating this grand idea would be a wrong move:

I would become too busy, again.  It might not work, and therefore I would fail.  It might not generate income and my work would be for nothing.  How could I possibly have an idea that would be beneficial to others?  Who do I think I am in being so bold?  What if I make a fool out of myself?  I might not be supported in my efforts.  I might challenge people too much.  I might not have the tools to create it.  I might regret it……..

This list could go on-and-on.

And when I align myself internally, and take a look at the fear that is associated with this list, I feel grateful that I am in a place within myself where I can call bullshit.

And, I am calling bullshit on myself.


I now have the tools to keep myself out of the stress cycle that I have been obliviously addicted to most of my life.  I understand my past, I have explored my inhibitions down to their roots, and I am determined to do things better.  I have the confidence and vulnerability that I have been longing for, and I have the desire, motivation, and dedication that is needed.

And I have the reason why I should create something so bold:


Two incredible, rapidly maturing, beautiful, awe inspiring girls.


If I am going to work while we raise them I might as well create something that could be hugely beneficial for them.  I might as well become my best self right in front of them, and I might as well encourage other mothers to do the same.

Because what would society be like if mothers were fully supported, encouraged, nurtured, and praised as they peeled back their layers of inhibitions and became their true selves while raising the next generation?


Our inhibitions are rooted in previous generations’ untapped potential.  They are a result of unconscious parenting, unbroken cycles of ancestral junk, challenging life choices, difficult experiences, and a society that seemingly perpetuates a persons failure due to its fast pace and ignorance.

Our children deserve more.  We deserve more.  And we need to be encouraged and supported as we cultivate *more*.


When I push the ‘publish’ button I will be launching myself into my life’s work.  As I write that sentence I can feel my inhibitions challenging me.  Thank the Gods that I can stare them down, easily, in the name of my children.  So, here I go……

The Conscious Mothers Movement is being created.

Read more on: Advocacy| Conscious Mothers Movement| Empowerment| Vulnerability
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