My February newsletter to my clients:
Hello beautiful women,
As usual, I have a lot to say and share.
But first – I feel it is important for me to voice to you and the Universe that:
I am relieved to recognize that a purposeful dream of mine that was put on hold is still full of life and it wants me to manifest it. Exciting and a totally terrifying all at the same time. It will be a process, and somewhat of a miracle, to nurture my dream into reality – but I am going to go for it. It includes you… (There – something to hold me accountable…I voiced it, now it’s real.)
More on this with future musings…
February is the month where we are reminded to celebrate love.
We think that we are good at love – but I can almost guarantee
that every single one of us here struggles with it.
The truth is – we pull herds of elephants into the room when we talk about love.
Love is wrapped up in layers and layers of what went wrong in our life.
And unfortunately those we love, and all others, are silently subjected
to our guarded heart.
We love with unseen barriers that don’t feel good to us or others.
Genuine Self-Love is the foundation for our ability to love
unconditionally and wholeheartedly.
there is a herd of elephants in the room now.
For a long long time I thought that I did not have an issue with loving myself.
And then I became a mother and realized, in a twisted kind of way, that I did.
Then I silently imploded.
Within my implosion I decided to become an expert at knowing myself – because I could not claim expert status at anything else in my life, especially motherhood, and my ego really needed something to cling onto.
And then I explored self-love ~ and I found all of my inhibitions.
Exploring self-love is the most humbling, sobering, vulnerable, complex, courageous, ongoing and relentless, thing that I have ever done. And I am nowhere near expert status. That said, I am proud of my efforts so far because I feel like a completely different person then I was even two years ago.
My access to inner peace, pleasure, joy and genuine gratitude – all byproducts of self-love – is becoming easier and easier by the day.
This results in my ability to love others freely (most of the time – I am still a work in progress as my husband can attest to…)
That said, this exploration requires my devotion.
Hopefully it always will.
At the roots of my exploration was a deeply intertwined and complex story about my self-worth. This story started energetically with my conception – therefore my story is interwoven with my parents (and their parents and so-on) energetic legacy – or better said, my parents and their parents, lacking foundation of self-love.
*It is important to note that no generation prior has emphasized self love in the way we currently do. It is not difficult to realize the consequence of this ripple effect.*
At one point in my exploration I experienced a very powerful connection with myself during a moving meditation – I had such a sorrow wash over me as I realized how cruel I was being to myself and therefore others. And on top of that – guilt – for not even realizing that I was. In those moments of life changing realization I wanted to wrap myself in a soft warm hug and apologize in a way that would erase the damage I had done to myself. Never would I treat another person the way in which I was treating myself. Never.
And the interesting piece about my self abuse was that it was disguised within capabilities. I could work hard 24 hours a day 7 days per week in some form, I could accomplish that never ending To-Do list, I could over commit to please others, I could back-burner downtime for what came up (and something always did), I could smile and pretend that I was a powerhouse and loved it, I could entertain that societal fantasy of what a modern woman-mother should be. With these “capabilities” also came unhealthy coping patterns too.
I hustled for my worth — as Brene Brown coined. I had always been trying to prove that I belong here, that I have value, that I matter.
As if it was not simply my birthright.
The result of living life like this was a bitter woman – with a smile on her face.
Such a phony at her own expense.
As women, our tendency is to put others first, especially our partner and family. We are really really good at doing for others while pushing pause on our needs and desires. Resentment silently builds up. Sometimes we explode, and then feel guilty about that. Often times we get sick. And always we wonder why we can’t quite get to that place that few remarkable souls represent so well.
A place of balance.
Resting internally – as they flow with life.
People who embody balance understand that there is actually no true place of balance. They are in a constant state of coming back to what they desire in life. They seek pleasure, rhythm, joy and gratitude. And they build their life around their worth. Their efforts appear effortless but I can guarantee that they have done a ton of self exploration and elimination to get to where they are – and they have zero intention of stopping. As they shed layers they find their soul nurturing capabilities and they accomplish incredible things all while genuinely enjoying their lives.
They represent possibility and they want us to join them.
This February – the month we celebrate love – will you vow to
explore self-love for one full year?
You deserve this time and attention
and our relationships with others, and the earth,
are desperate for what becomes possible
when we can truly claim that we love ourselves.
Love is layered with outdated bullshit.
It is noble and generous to shed what
keeps our hearts shackled.
Bless those that do – may it be you.
PS – I dedicate this to the [once again] tragic school shooting in Florida on Valentines day. It would not have happened if the shooter knew love. It was critical for his birth parents and adopted parents, and every other adult around him, to be a living example of embodied love. He obviously did not experience that, much, in his 19 years of life.
We are failing as a whole.
More reason to do your part.
Love yourself and others – it matters – more than anything.